1 00:00:01,030 --> 00:00:02,740 He's dead?! 2 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:04,359 Now he's not here, I've realised 3 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Dad was my best friend. 4 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:07,299 Can you keep a secret? 5 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,240 It turns out I hadn't died. 6 00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:10,719 Oh, my God! Dad! 7 00:00:11,020 --> 00:00:13,819 The money from your dad's life insurance finally came through. 8 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,779 You've stolen a quarter of million quid? 9 00:00:15,875 --> 00:00:18,622 We did want that money for you and Neha and the boys. 10 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,758 This is fraud. You can go to prison. 11 00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:21,759 I know we've put you 12 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,860 in a tiny bit of an impossible situation. 13 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:25,300 You mustn't tell Neha. 14 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,120 You could put her career at risk. 15 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,759 I can't believe he's actually gone. 16 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:31,160 I know. Neither can we. 17 00:00:50,859 --> 00:00:51,859 Oh! 18 00:00:55,929 --> 00:00:59,890 Oi! You! Can't you read? It says no junk mail. 19 00:01:00,429 --> 00:01:01,429 No, it don't. 20 00:01:02,569 --> 00:01:04,926 Oh, for f... 21 00:01:08,539 --> 00:01:11,799 William, that tosspot son of yours 22 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,340 has vandalised the sign again. 23 00:01:56,288 --> 00:01:57,686 Mum? 24 00:01:57,789 --> 00:01:58,789 Dad? 25 00:01:59,969 --> 00:02:01,308 Hello? 26 00:02:03,858 --> 00:02:05,420 Hello? 27 00:02:08,098 --> 00:02:09,098 Oh, my God. Oh, my God... 28 00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:12,639 Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. 29 00:02:12,751 --> 00:02:14,541 Dad? 30 00:02:15,734 --> 00:02:18,157 Wah-wah-wah! 31 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:20,800 What the hell are you doing? 32 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,180 Just a bit of fun. 33 00:02:23,599 --> 00:02:24,659 You scared the shit out of me. 34 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:25,819 That's what makes it fun. 35 00:02:26,659 --> 00:02:28,259 How many times are you gonna make me think you're dead? 36 00:02:28,379 --> 00:02:30,140 Well, as long as we keep getting a good reaction. 37 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,040 Serves you right for the sign. 38 00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:33,580 It's a good hat, innit? 39 00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,780 Yeah. It's all about the little flourishes. 40 00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:36,980 Yeah. 41 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,659 Your face! 42 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:40,743 Ah... 43 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,110 What are these for? 44 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,710 Can't a boy just buy some flowers for his mummy? 45 00:02:46,349 --> 00:02:48,069 No. And don't call me mummy. 46 00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:50,668 - It's creepy. - Yeah. 47 00:02:50,669 --> 00:02:52,770 - Are those for me? - Yes. 48 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,529 I also treated me and Neha to a jet washer 49 00:02:55,530 --> 00:02:56,849 with some of the insurance money. 50 00:02:57,650 --> 00:02:59,010 Yeah. Sweet. Which one? 51 00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:00,448 The Karcher K5 Power Control 52 00:03:00,449 --> 00:03:02,069 with the dirt blaster and the spray lance. 53 00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:03,530 It's actually in the boot if you wanna give it a go. 54 00:03:03,770 --> 00:03:06,669 That does sound like my idea of fun, but unfortunately, 55 00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:10,130 I've just got something urgent to attend to first. 56 00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:11,269 Ah-ah-ah! 57 00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:13,469 William Fendon, where do you think you're going? 58 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,069 Just upstairs. 59 00:03:15,490 --> 00:03:17,129 Do you think I was born yesterday? 60 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,750 No. I know you're 67. 61 00:03:20,449 --> 00:03:21,449 Right. 62 00:03:21,550 --> 00:03:23,685 Out the way. Hand them over. 63 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:25,888 Hand what over? 64 00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:27,409 Don't make me wrestle you again. 65 00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:31,189 Not in front of the child. 66 00:03:40,449 --> 00:03:43,129 You're a cruel woman. Cruel, cruel woman. 67 00:03:44,569 --> 00:03:46,909 So very, very cruel. 68 00:03:50,089 --> 00:03:51,089 Cruel. 69 00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:53,630 Cruel! 70 00:03:55,030 --> 00:03:58,549 - It is a bit cruel, - Harold, he's an addict. 71 00:03:59,069 --> 00:04:01,609 And he's going to eat himself into an early grave. 72 00:04:02,049 --> 00:04:03,049 Another one. 73 00:04:03,609 --> 00:04:06,829 And next time, there won't be a payout to soften the blow. 74 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:15,839 Isn't that incredible? 75 00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:18,479 I never knew our patio even looked like that. 76 00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:21,279 - It's nice you found a hobby. - Yeah. Since we got it, 77 00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:24,198 me and Harry just look at everything now like, 78 00:04:24,199 --> 00:04:26,159 "I could jet-wash the shit out of that." 79 00:04:27,439 --> 00:04:28,699 Have you got owt that needs blasting? 80 00:04:29,740 --> 00:04:32,319 Brickwork? Garden furniture? We'll do it all. 81 00:04:32,919 --> 00:04:34,639 No, I personally don't like jet washers. 82 00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:37,060 We had a terrible experience last summer. 83 00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:38,699 Neil was doing our patio. 84 00:04:39,539 --> 00:04:40,579 He'd just plugged in 85 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,800 when he saw Chloe's guinea pig in the garden. 86 00:04:43,479 --> 00:04:44,479 Because it was a hot day, 87 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,539 he thought he'd give her a quick drink from the hose. 88 00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:47,740 That's nice. 89 00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:49,579 He hadn't appreciated the power. 90 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,279 Poor thing flew nearly 200ft. 91 00:04:52,939 --> 00:04:54,060 And that wasn't the worst of it. 92 00:04:54,539 --> 00:04:56,440 You know Geoff Varley from the bowls club? 93 00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,078 Yeah. 94 00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,127 He was in his garden having a barbecue. 95 00:04:59,248 --> 00:05:02,059 He barbecued the guinea pig?! 96 00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:03,960 - Oh. No. - Oh. 97 00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:05,140 He got hit by it. 98 00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:09,299 But something that size fired at that speed, 99 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,320 it's like he'd been struck by a mortar. 100 00:05:12,019 --> 00:05:13,680 Poor Neil was in bits. 101 00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:15,380 What about the guinea pig? 102 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,520 Bluebell actually stayed in one piece. 103 00:05:18,159 --> 00:05:19,159 Dead, though. 104 00:05:19,539 --> 00:05:20,539 Broken back. 105 00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:25,020 Still, nice you're enjoying it. 106 00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:29,850 Your foxes are very regular, aren't they? 107 00:05:30,149 --> 00:05:32,610 - They must eat a lot of fibre. - Oh, tell me about it. 108 00:05:33,509 --> 00:05:35,709 I must say, it's nice to see you more cheerful. 109 00:05:35,910 --> 00:05:37,370 I did consider being mortally offended, 110 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,189 but then I figured you and Dad 111 00:05:39,190 --> 00:05:40,250 have always done deranged things, 112 00:05:40,389 --> 00:05:42,250 so I might as well get something out of it this time. 113 00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:44,529 Yeah. What, like the jet hoser? 114 00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:45,670 Oh, yeah. 115 00:05:45,990 --> 00:05:49,190 I mean, you know, being able to pay rent, feed our children, 116 00:05:49,270 --> 00:05:51,670 that's good too, but a Karcher... 117 00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:53,709 ...that's something me and Neha 118 00:05:53,710 --> 00:05:55,210 could only have dreamed of before. 119 00:05:55,810 --> 00:05:56,810 Neha and I. 120 00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,329 See, sometimes Mum knows best. 121 00:06:02,409 --> 00:06:04,069 There is one fly in the ointment. 122 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,430 Huh? 123 00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:07,509 We can't keep lying to her. 124 00:06:08,129 --> 00:06:10,870 No, but what other option do we have? 125 00:06:11,550 --> 00:06:12,550 Well, you tell her the truth? 126 00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:14,990 Well, no, we definitely can't do that. 127 00:06:15,269 --> 00:06:17,909 - I have to. We're married. - She's a police officer. 128 00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,790 She's worked so hard to get where she is. 129 00:06:20,909 --> 00:06:22,768 And you want to compromise that 130 00:06:22,769 --> 00:06:24,490 so that you can feel better about yourself? 131 00:06:24,829 --> 00:06:25,829 Selfish, Harold. 132 00:06:25,932 --> 00:06:28,011 Very, very, very selfish. 133 00:06:29,329 --> 00:06:31,829 What you need to do is go home, give her a little cuddle, 134 00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:33,750 and stop thinking about yourself for a minute. 135 00:06:44,815 --> 00:06:47,832 ...Is often made that Britain is too centralised... 136 00:06:47,930 --> 00:06:51,009 Do you know, I never realised how utterly dreadful 137 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:52,530 television is without chocolate. 138 00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:54,470 You're just withdrawing from the sugar. 139 00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:57,250 You'll come out the other side much stronger. 140 00:06:57,430 --> 00:06:58,529 I don't want to come out the other side 141 00:06:58,530 --> 00:07:00,170 if this is what my life's going to be like. 142 00:07:01,990 --> 00:07:04,690 This shroud of colourless misery, 143 00:07:05,110 --> 00:07:06,570 this world of despair, 144 00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:09,730 insipid fog... 145 00:07:09,910 --> 00:07:11,490 It's been four hours. 146 00:07:12,790 --> 00:07:14,369 Please can I pop to the petrol station? 147 00:07:14,370 --> 00:07:17,670 Well, of course you bloody can't! What if you're seen? 148 00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:19,110 I'll wear a disguise. 149 00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:21,150 I'm not having this argument again. 150 00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:24,389 - You know the rules. - Well, no, I don't, actually, 151 00:07:24,390 --> 00:07:26,410 because you keep bloody changing them. 152 00:07:27,950 --> 00:07:29,669 Honestly, you run this house 153 00:07:29,670 --> 00:07:32,990 like Guantanamo Bay, but with less humanity. 154 00:07:33,099 --> 00:07:37,000 ...the Second World War. After the First World War... 155 00:07:37,109 --> 00:07:39,370 Rumsfeld! 156 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,180 William, don't turn it up. 157 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:44,804 Decided that if there was another conflict... 158 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,120 Sorry, what is this? 159 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,900 I just wanted to do something nice for your mum, 160 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,440 you know, to thank her for the money. 161 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,520 Yeah. All right. Who did it? 162 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,300 Lovely Martha in the market. 163 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,140 Doesn't she usually paint pets? 164 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,980 Yeah. Which is why this is even more impressive. 165 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,480 I mean, I only asked her to do it last week. 166 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,379 Imagine being able to paint that quick. 167 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,020 I think you can tell she normally does animals. 168 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,400 Why? 169 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,120 We've got paws. 170 00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,360 My mum looks like a spaniel. 171 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:13,660 And she's given me whiskers. 172 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,040 I think that's meant to be stubble. 173 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,370 Come here. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 174 00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:23,769 I don't mean to upset you. 175 00:08:24,230 --> 00:08:26,869 It's just that it's a bit... 176 00:08:26,870 --> 00:08:28,589 Triggering, to see your dad again. 177 00:08:30,949 --> 00:08:33,590 - Uh, if you like. - Sorry. 178 00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,409 Hopefully your mum will like it more than you do. 179 00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,490 Oh, no, we shouldn't show it to her. 180 00:08:37,970 --> 00:08:39,110 But hers is being delivered tomorrow. 181 00:08:40,529 --> 00:08:41,909 Sorry, you bought this painting twice? 182 00:08:42,470 --> 00:08:44,629 Yeah. Why? Is that not a good idea? 183 00:08:44,929 --> 00:08:45,929 No. 184 00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:47,689 Oh. 185 00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:49,710 No, it's a phenomenal idea. 186 00:09:31,850 --> 00:09:34,290 - What is this? - I told you. 187 00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:36,469 I think I'd remember if you told me you were hosting 188 00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:38,629 a charity fundraising night in memory of Dad. 189 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,330 - Why? - Because he's not dead. 190 00:09:40,470 --> 00:09:42,149 Oh, God. You take everything so literally. 191 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,889 OK, so your dad might not be dead physically, 192 00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:49,269 but emotionally, he's been gone since the '90s. 193 00:09:49,329 --> 00:09:50,329 Getting people to donate money 194 00:09:50,430 --> 00:09:52,110 under false pretences is unethical. 195 00:09:52,350 --> 00:09:53,730 Oh, don't give me that. 196 00:09:54,090 --> 00:09:55,809 You got over your ethics pretty quickly 197 00:09:55,810 --> 00:09:57,990 when you realised it got you a jet hoser. 198 00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:01,489 I'm just delighted the money's going to go 199 00:10:01,490 --> 00:10:02,599 to some humans for once. 200 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,769 I'm fed up with all these animal shelters 201 00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:07,210 hoovering up the cash. 202 00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:10,169 "Ooh, our kittens have got wheels 203 00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:11,899 "instead of back legs. Ooh..." 204 00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:12,900 Mum, this is bad juju. 205 00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:16,350 Why? We're raising money for charity. 206 00:10:16,629 --> 00:10:19,330 If anything, that's good juju, whatever juju is. 207 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,410 - What is juju? - Oh, I can't... 208 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:24,960 Please come. 209 00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:28,100 It would be really nice to put on a united front, you know. 210 00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:32,020 Plus, the bereaved family, you know, 211 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,320 all together, that will grease a few wallets. 212 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,339 And we'll need that, 213 00:10:36,340 --> 00:10:39,280 because they're tight as a gnat's fanny down that club. 214 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,100 Why am I so... jowly? 215 00:10:45,139 --> 00:10:46,180 She paints a lot of dogs. 216 00:10:54,039 --> 00:10:55,039 I'll just be a sec. 217 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,219 - Harry, we're at code red. - What are you doing? 218 00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:02,139 Neha's right there. 219 00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:03,860 Your mother's gone all Taliban. 220 00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:06,320 She's banned chocolate and biscuits. 221 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:07,540 Chocolate biscuits. 222 00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,200 She's making me eat flaxseed. 223 00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:10,700 Do you know how they make flaxseed? 224 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,059 - No. - Well, they hoover up 225 00:11:12,060 --> 00:11:14,080 all the dried guff from under the sofa cushion, 226 00:11:14,180 --> 00:11:16,700 they stick it in a bag and write "flaxseed" on it. 227 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,000 Now is not the time for one of your flaps. 228 00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:21,120 This is not a flap. I feel like I'm in Requiem For A Dream. 229 00:11:21,259 --> 00:11:23,920 I've got the shakes, and it's not from the Parkinson's. 230 00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:26,060 - Can't you order some online? - No, I tried, 231 00:11:26,147 --> 00:11:27,456 but Fritzl in there has got wise to it 232 00:11:27,543 --> 00:11:28,543 and hidden the router. 233 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,980 Hiding the router won't make a difference, Dad, 234 00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:32,680 - the internet is wireless. - Harry, Neha is right there. 235 00:11:32,879 --> 00:11:34,420 I haven't got time for a computer lesson. 236 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:35,780 Just get me some chocolate! 237 00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:39,720 And make sure it's Dairy Milk, not Galaxy, 238 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:40,900 which, as far as I'm concerned, 239 00:11:40,940 --> 00:11:42,500 is made with sour cream and earwax, 240 00:11:42,580 --> 00:11:44,300 which I quite like, but not in chocolate. 241 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:48,159 Can you open the boot, please? 242 00:11:48,261 --> 00:11:49,667 Yeah. 243 00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:05,509 I'll have to come straight from work. 244 00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,450 Pigfish has been back at the pumps. 245 00:12:07,730 --> 00:12:09,309 - Oh, God. - Not a pretty sight. 246 00:12:09,421 --> 00:12:11,257 Well, don't commission a portrait of it, then. 247 00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:12,370 Very good. 248 00:12:12,789 --> 00:12:14,730 No phones on the forecourt. 249 00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:16,990 Look, I'll pick Mum up and take her to the bowls club. 250 00:12:17,590 --> 00:12:19,610 - I will meet you there. Bye. - OK, bye. 251 00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:20,730 - Love you. - Love you. 252 00:12:22,270 --> 00:12:24,729 I tell you this - it's a disgrace 253 00:12:24,730 --> 00:12:25,950 what you let him get away with. 254 00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:28,610 He's gone right up to the hilt on this one. 255 00:12:30,409 --> 00:12:33,509 Bloody hell. I'm surprised he can walk. 256 00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:46,699 Where are you going? 257 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,000 Nowhere. 258 00:12:50,539 --> 00:12:51,539 What's in that bag? 259 00:12:52,799 --> 00:12:53,799 Nothing. 260 00:13:03,948 --> 00:13:04,948 Dad. 261 00:13:06,364 --> 00:13:07,364 Dad! 262 00:13:09,149 --> 00:13:10,149 Dad? 263 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,922 Wah! 264 00:13:26,009 --> 00:13:27,009 Oh, dear. 265 00:13:27,809 --> 00:13:29,809 - Harry? - William? 266 00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:32,050 - Harry! - William? 267 00:13:32,449 --> 00:13:34,030 Oh, dear. Harry! 268 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:37,069 - What have you done? - Well, I jumped out on him. 269 00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:38,350 - Why? - Why not? 270 00:13:38,389 --> 00:13:40,049 Because you've knocked him out, you idiot! 271 00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:42,689 I didn't mean to. I'm just so bored. 272 00:13:42,829 --> 00:13:45,709 Oh, God. You're gonna have to patch him up 273 00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:46,870 because I've got to get ready. 274 00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:48,269 How am I going to do that? 275 00:13:49,809 --> 00:13:50,809 Harry? Harry! Come on. 276 00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:52,276 - Oh... - Harry. 277 00:13:52,358 --> 00:13:53,608 Oh... 278 00:13:53,690 --> 00:13:56,230 I see now. 279 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,140 I'm as shocked as you are. 280 00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,520 Oh, don't even try it, you devious hound. 281 00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:11,549 Oh, dear. 282 00:14:13,446 --> 00:14:15,962 - Harry. Harry. - You know, they say that 283 00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:18,548 the saddest thing about betrayal 284 00:14:18,652 --> 00:14:21,065 is that it starts with trust... 285 00:14:22,410 --> 00:14:25,330 ...and ends with betrayal... of trust 286 00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,970 that that betrayal is the trust of. 287 00:14:37,889 --> 00:14:38,889 That's your fault. 288 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,180 - Let's get that... - Whoa! What are you doing? 289 00:14:46,287 --> 00:14:48,332 So I haven't got any plasters, so... 290 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:49,940 I'll be OK. Thank you. 291 00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:53,019 Intruder alert. 292 00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:53,619 What's that? 293 00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:56,820 Now, that is a sensor I installed. 294 00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:59,099 So I thought it'd be good to have some advance warning 295 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:03,019 of any visitors, but I think I may have installed it 296 00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,240 on a pigeon flight path or something, 297 00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:06,559 because it just keeps going off 298 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,640 - when no-one's there. - OK. That sounds normal. 299 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,719 Look, I'm sorry about the chocolate, Dad. 300 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,580 I'd like to say it's OK but, let's be honest, 301 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,040 it's an effing disaster. 302 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,900 Well, if you will let Mum control your life. 303 00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,660 She doesn't control my life! 304 00:15:20,759 --> 00:15:22,758 Apart from legally killing you, making you live in the loft 305 00:15:22,759 --> 00:15:23,759 and governing what you eat. 306 00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,160 The thing about marriage, Harry, 307 00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:28,679 is that there's only ever two people 308 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,440 who really know what's going on. 309 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,019 Hmm? You know what your grandmother said to us 310 00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,020 on our wedding day? 311 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,519 Princess Diana was murdered, 312 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:36,520 it was Prince Philip what done it? 313 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,280 No, that came later. No. She said, 314 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,660 "Don't try to be perfect. Just be honest." 315 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,419 And I can honestly say 316 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,060 that every single day of our marriage, 317 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,259 your mother and I have worked very hard to not be perfect. 318 00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:49,800 We're honest to a fault. 319 00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:52,560 Right, Tweedledee and Tweedletwat... 320 00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:53,820 - See what I mean? - Mm-hm. 321 00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:55,440 Have you printed out my speech, William? 322 00:15:55,557 --> 00:15:57,519 Yep. There it is. 323 00:15:57,636 --> 00:16:01,362 - Big font? - The biggest - jumbo sans. 324 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,860 - OK. - Wait. What speech? 325 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,560 Oh, it's a little keynote. 326 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,980 You know, nothing special. Tight ten. 327 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,980 Come on, traitor! We don't want to be late. 328 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,240 Sorry we're late. 329 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,180 How do you cope with his driving? 330 00:16:21,860 --> 00:16:25,480 He's so timid, it's like getting a lift on a milk float. 331 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,960 To be fair, he is a bad driver, so he's right to be nervous. 332 00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:29,180 You want to feel the steering wheel 333 00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:30,400 after he's been on a dual carriageway. 334 00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:31,460 It's dripping with sweat. 335 00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:33,460 Haven't you got that sorted yet? 336 00:16:33,519 --> 00:16:34,519 Do you remember, I told you 337 00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,520 you can get your sweaty palms electrocuted? 338 00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,580 Because Billie did it to her armpits. 339 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,259 Lovely. Can we go inside, please? Cos I don't... 340 00:16:41,329 --> 00:16:42,329 Yeah. 341 00:16:43,549 --> 00:16:45,569 Hey, is that dried blood in your hair? 342 00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:49,749 Oh, he, um, clunked himself while he was clearing out 343 00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,669 some of his dad's possessions, didn't you? 344 00:16:51,990 --> 00:16:54,329 - Mm. I did, did I? - Yes, you did. 345 00:16:54,454 --> 00:16:56,204 Yeah. 346 00:16:56,329 --> 00:16:58,929 Oh, look. Aw... 347 00:16:59,229 --> 00:17:00,889 Mum, this isn't gonna be over the top, is it? 348 00:17:01,329 --> 00:17:04,230 Harold, it is a simple casino night 349 00:17:04,409 --> 00:17:05,489 with a modest request 350 00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:06,709 for charitable donations 351 00:17:06,710 --> 00:17:09,169 and a short multimedia presentation. 352 00:18:10,769 --> 00:18:13,069 I'm going to get some air. 353 00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:25,170 Harry! Harry, wait. 354 00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:26,790 Wait! Are you OK? 355 00:18:27,430 --> 00:18:30,550 - I needed some air. - Why? Is it your head? 356 00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:31,690 Are you feeling sick? 357 00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:34,788 I think I need a bit of time to myself. So... 358 00:18:34,789 --> 00:18:37,068 Harry, you can't even shut the toilet door 359 00:18:37,069 --> 00:18:38,069 cos you don't like being alone. 360 00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,170 - What is this about? - I can't... I... 361 00:18:40,650 --> 00:18:42,150 We're a team, remember? 362 00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:45,850 Yeah, I know. I know, but... 363 00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:48,090 Tummy to tummy. 364 00:18:50,009 --> 00:18:51,009 Cheek to cheek. 365 00:18:52,350 --> 00:18:55,090 So, then, can you really not tell me? 366 00:18:56,771 --> 00:18:58,296 - No. - Hm. 367 00:18:58,390 --> 00:19:00,769 But I can show you. Come on. 368 00:19:00,866 --> 00:19:01,936 Wait. 369 00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:04,952 - What about your mum? - Oh, sod her. Get in. 370 00:19:48,276 --> 00:19:52,710 Well, that was very, um... 371 00:19:56,050 --> 00:19:57,050 ...William. 372 00:19:57,140 --> 00:19:58,420 - Yes, William. - William. 373 00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,600 William. 374 00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:01,979 Debbie, do you want to...? 375 00:20:01,980 --> 00:20:06,260 Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you very much. Thank you. 376 00:20:06,347 --> 00:20:07,411 Thank you. 377 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:11,660 Right, um, well, uh, where to start? 378 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,460 Um, in the words of Bob Geldof... 379 00:20:16,019 --> 00:20:17,360 ...give me your fucking money! 380 00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:23,240 I think that's what he said, but more Irish than that. 381 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:27,519 I can't... I can't do Irish. So, um, to be serious 382 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,860 for a moment. We're here to have a good time, 383 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,860 but we're also here 384 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,820 to raise money for a very important cause. 385 00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:36,800 As all of you know, 386 00:20:37,340 --> 00:20:41,320 my darling William was a Parkinson's sufferer. 387 00:20:41,779 --> 00:20:46,980 And, uh, boy, did we suffer endlessly hearing about it! 388 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,519 No, no. It is a cruel disease. 389 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,500 I've written, um, a proper speech, but, 390 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,740 um, it's in my jacket pocket. 391 00:21:03,860 --> 00:21:05,700 Do you mind passing that to me? 392 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:07,720 Cheers, Geoff. 393 00:21:07,821 --> 00:21:10,862 Lovely. Thank you. 394 00:21:10,963 --> 00:21:12,720 Right... 395 00:21:38,299 --> 00:21:40,818 - What's happening? - I don't know. 396 00:21:40,819 --> 00:21:41,819 Sorry about that. 397 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:43,680 I wasn't expecting that font. It's... 398 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:51,299 Uh, William... was... dead. 399 00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:53,519 Parkinson's... 400 00:21:53,739 --> 00:21:58,639 Sorry, I actually feel like I'm gonna pass out. 401 00:21:59,220 --> 00:22:00,220 Oh, God... 402 00:22:00,899 --> 00:22:02,659 Call an ambulance. I've seen this before. 403 00:22:03,159 --> 00:22:04,159 She's having a stroke. 404 00:22:05,279 --> 00:22:07,599 Step back, please. Give me air, give me air. 405 00:22:09,419 --> 00:22:10,898 When we first met, I was up front about 406 00:22:10,899 --> 00:22:11,898 my parents being mad, right? 407 00:22:11,899 --> 00:22:12,898 Where are you going with this? 408 00:22:12,899 --> 00:22:13,739 Just tell me. 409 00:22:13,740 --> 00:22:15,520 You warned me about their peculiarities. 410 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:16,840 - Yes. - And you still married me. 411 00:22:16,899 --> 00:22:18,180 You had all the data and you still went through with it. 412 00:22:18,399 --> 00:22:19,960 I tick the Apple terms and conditions too. 413 00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:21,039 Don't mean I actually look at 'em. 414 00:22:22,019 --> 00:22:24,299 But, yes, I married you, not your parents. 415 00:22:24,799 --> 00:22:26,220 Good, because I love you. 416 00:22:26,319 --> 00:22:28,839 - And I may not be perfect. - No, you're not perfect. 417 00:22:28,860 --> 00:22:30,819 - But I am honest. - Oh, Harry, if this is about 418 00:22:30,820 --> 00:22:32,940 you doing poppers in Year 6, I told you, I don't care. 419 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:35,119 No, no, no, it's not, it's not. It's about my dad. 420 00:22:35,292 --> 00:22:37,786 Oh, I don't know how to say this, 421 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,000 so I think I'm just gonna say it. 422 00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:41,460 He's still alive. 423 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:43,520 Oh, love. 424 00:22:43,659 --> 00:22:44,659 I did have an inkling. 425 00:22:45,579 --> 00:22:46,879 We see it a lot at work. 426 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,040 Really? I didn't think it'd be that common. 427 00:22:49,399 --> 00:22:52,200 Oh, yeah! People get delayed concussion all the time. 428 00:22:52,379 --> 00:22:54,979 I mean, it can sometimes come on hours or even days... 429 00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:56,759 No, no, no, no, I'm not concussed. 430 00:22:56,860 --> 00:22:59,179 Well, you are, but that's why you're being extra weird. 431 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,679 And in some ways, you're right. Your dad isn't dead. 432 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:04,720 Not in here. 433 00:23:05,379 --> 00:23:06,379 No, he ain't dead. 434 00:23:06,860 --> 00:23:09,000 And he's in there. He's in the loft. 435 00:23:09,460 --> 00:23:10,460 Come on. 436 00:23:11,019 --> 00:23:12,639 Your parents have a loft? 437 00:23:17,833 --> 00:23:19,655 That's funny. It's not normally... 438 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:20,760 Dad? 439 00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:22,220 Dad! 440 00:23:22,259 --> 00:23:24,480 Open up! It's me. It's Harry, your son. 441 00:23:26,420 --> 00:23:28,219 Maybe he's listening to something. He has been talking 442 00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:29,800 about these noise-cancelling headphones recently. 443 00:23:30,059 --> 00:23:31,360 - No. - He must be here, though. 444 00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:33,459 He can't leave the house. And he'll know we're here, 445 00:23:33,460 --> 00:23:35,059 because he's got this little motion-system thing 446 00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:36,580 that tells him when people are coming down the drive, 447 00:23:37,059 --> 00:23:38,440 although he might have thought we're just pigeons. 448 00:23:38,567 --> 00:23:40,739 - Pigeons? - Unless... 449 00:23:44,870 --> 00:23:47,290 Him and my mum have been doing this thing recently 450 00:23:47,790 --> 00:23:49,030 with this, like, wolf hat, 451 00:23:49,330 --> 00:23:51,250 and they creep up on me unexpectedly. 452 00:23:51,330 --> 00:23:52,330 They just jump out. 453 00:23:53,190 --> 00:23:54,190 All right. 454 00:23:56,030 --> 00:23:58,310 Harry, I love you, OK, and you are gonna be fine, 455 00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:00,629 but right now, we need to face the fact that you are having 456 00:24:00,630 --> 00:24:02,290 a not-insignificant psychotic episode. 457 00:24:02,529 --> 00:24:04,730 No. I'm not. I'm not. OK? No, I'm not. 458 00:24:04,830 --> 00:24:06,590 Yeah. So if you just keep breathing 459 00:24:06,730 --> 00:24:07,810 and if you want to hold my hand, 460 00:24:07,870 --> 00:24:09,390 that's also fine. You can squeeze it tight. 461 00:24:10,110 --> 00:24:12,110 Oh, that is very sweaty. 462 00:24:13,170 --> 00:24:14,830 All right. I'm going to call the babysitter. 463 00:24:15,133 --> 00:24:15,757 No. 464 00:24:15,758 --> 00:24:16,758 Take you to AandE and get you checked out. 465 00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:18,090 No, I'm not making... 466 00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:22,009 No caller ID. 467 00:24:23,450 --> 00:24:24,789 It could be one of those scam bots. 468 00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:27,410 I'm not sure that's our biggest problem right now. 469 00:24:27,670 --> 00:24:29,390 Yeah. You're right. It might be my dad. 470 00:24:30,529 --> 00:24:31,529 Hello? 471 00:24:31,990 --> 00:24:32,990 Oh, hi, Billie. 472 00:24:36,670 --> 00:24:39,450 What? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Of course. 473 00:24:39,770 --> 00:24:40,770 We'll, uh, we'll come now. 474 00:24:41,490 --> 00:24:42,489 What's happened? 475 00:24:42,490 --> 00:24:44,869 It's my mum. They think she's had a stroke. 476 00:24:52,150 --> 00:24:53,150 What's going on? 477 00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:55,090 They think it's severe dehydration. 478 00:24:55,190 --> 00:24:56,190 Oh, thank God. 479 00:24:56,370 --> 00:24:58,210 - So... so not a stroke. - No, no. 480 00:24:58,310 --> 00:25:00,110 I think it all just got too much for her. 481 00:25:00,130 --> 00:25:01,130 you know, with the emotion. 482 00:25:01,530 --> 00:25:03,890 Your poor mum. She puts on a brave face, 483 00:25:03,950 --> 00:25:05,890 but she's obviously grieving very intensely. 484 00:25:07,250 --> 00:25:08,590 Will you take me home, please? 485 00:25:09,750 --> 00:25:10,749 Get in the back, Harold. 486 00:25:10,750 --> 00:25:12,250 Are you serious? 487 00:25:12,990 --> 00:25:14,210 I've just had a stroke. 488 00:25:21,299 --> 00:25:22,299 Thank you. 489 00:25:23,059 --> 00:25:24,059 Thank you. 490 00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:26,044 - Just drive, will you? - Seatbelt. 491 00:25:26,140 --> 00:25:28,415 Oh, God. Oh, God! 492 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,799 Mum, just so you know, I've told Neha about Dad. 493 00:25:39,380 --> 00:25:41,060 Yeah. So I know you didn't want me to, 494 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,120 but I've done it anyway. 495 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:45,160 Mum? 496 00:25:46,180 --> 00:25:47,740 - Mum? - Oh, Harry, just leave it. 497 00:25:47,860 --> 00:25:49,079 No, she needs to tell you the truth. 498 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,699 I'm sorry. I should have just got him checked out 499 00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:53,260 - by the paramedics back there. - Yeah. 500 00:25:53,420 --> 00:25:55,020 Excuse me. Don't talk about me like I'm a child. 501 00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:56,799 Well, don't behave like one, then. 502 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,840 It's been a long day. I just need some rest. 503 00:26:01,420 --> 00:26:03,039 But for what it's worth, I am sorry. 504 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,379 - You are? - Yes. I should have got you 505 00:26:05,380 --> 00:26:07,880 to the hospital earlier because you're clearly concussed. 506 00:26:08,024 --> 00:26:10,874 This is bad juju, Mum. It's really, really bad. 507 00:26:11,019 --> 00:26:12,240 You're like a Gatling gun of lies. 508 00:26:13,279 --> 00:26:16,120 I am not lying, Harold. 509 00:26:16,819 --> 00:26:19,759 Look, I am sorry that your dad has died, 510 00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:22,180 but we all have to come to terms with it. 511 00:26:22,620 --> 00:26:25,220 Going on and on at me isn't going to change that. 512 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,619 Now, obviously you have suffered 513 00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:29,240 a traumatic head injury, 514 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:30,779 but just being rude to me 515 00:26:30,780 --> 00:26:32,780 is not going to bring your father back. 516 00:26:35,549 --> 00:26:36,990 Oh, dear me. 517 00:26:38,329 --> 00:26:39,430 Oh, there we go. 518 00:26:43,037 --> 00:26:46,644 Evening, all. God, it's a bit of a squeeze, isn't it? 519 00:26:49,049 --> 00:26:51,909 Anyone want a chunk? Fruit and nut? 520 00:26:53,129 --> 00:26:54,509 What are you doing? 521 00:26:55,069 --> 00:26:56,329 Just popped to the petrol station. 522 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,554 You have told her, right? 523 00:27:01,710 --> 00:27:04,169 You massive twat!